I’ve always been an avid follower of fashion; even from the age of 11 I rushed out to buy the newest copy of Sugar magazine in an attempt to copy the most popular popstar of that month. I always try to invest in trends, taking elements that work for me rather than being a total and utter Topshop-wh*re. Accessories are king, as are little dresses in this season’s print, taking an otherwise run-of-the-mill outfit and putting a cool twist on it. I love finding out what’s coming up next and how the High Street is going to channel the Catwalk Kings, but there are certain things I am so over and ready to send to Room 101. These are the trends I am sooooo over right now.
These have been around for around 18mths, building momentum to become one of the biggest trends of the last few years. Although initially they were a great way to instantly update an otherwise standard LBD, it now seems you can’t buy anything in H&M without it having a ruddy dip-hem. I long for a straight finish, knowing that anything I buy with a dip-hem will only get chucked in the direction of the nearest charity shop come next season. It’s a trend that will look incredibly outdated sooner than you can shout ‘tribal is so 2010’ so I wish the High Street would just be a little more inventive and leave the poor dips to die in peace.
Leggings are not trousers. Leggings are basically a thicker form of tights, so should be worn as such – i.e. with tops that cover your lady area and inevitable bum cellulite (we all have it, so lets just agree to cover it up yeah?) Just because some leggings are shiny and have faux pockets doesn’t make them cool; in fact it makes them about as sexy as my cycling shorts from 1993. The high waists draw attention to inappropriate areas, making me feel exceptionally uncomfortable in the presence of said disco pants. And another thing – I go to discos and I wear pants, but I have no clue whatsoever why these glorified shiny leggings have been christened in this way. You?
A lot of women are fortunate enough to look incredible in a bikini, showing off their naturally flat stomach lounging around the pool while getting a tan. I may be jealous, but I don’t begrudge them getting out what their lord gave them. Walking down the street in Southend on a Saturday afternoon isn’t quite the same though, when you see half the women getting out their belly buttons before we’ve hit 15 degrees on the thermostat. They’re not flattering, they require a ridiculous amount of coordination and if you’re not careful you’ll catch your death. Buy a vest top – your immune system will thank you for it, as will your mother.
Trainers for me are worn to recognise the need for exercise, long walks or muddy situations that ballet flats are simply not going to survive. If I want to wear trainers it’s because I’m dressed in my Sunday Worst and want to walk to the shops in the comfiest way possible. Why oh why would you put heels on comfortable trainers that were made for the anti-heel moments we celebrate so much? Why would you want to look like you’re totally casual, but then be tottering around on stilts and still not able to carry three bags of groceries back from Tesco? I don’t understand this phenomenon at all. At all. AT ALL. Someone explain it to me while I put my Converse on…
I’d love to hear which trends you’re hoping will disappear as quickly as a Joe McElderry single. Maybe you love your disco pants and wedged trainers? I’d love to hear from you.